If You Want Jokes, You Got It

Hello, my darlings. How have you been? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Huh. Uh-huh.

Well, anyways, so I got a lotta joke-telling to do the next few weeks, and if I can be honest, it'll go a lot better for all of us (but mostly me) if you guys brought your ears to me rather than the other way around. If you're not in San Diego, then you should be. Not just for me, but it's, y'know. It's a happening town.

Firstly, I am participating in this year's San Diego's Funniest Person Contest, brought to you by Sheik Condoms and the good people at Mountain Dew. The show is this coming Monday, February 24th, 2014, at 7pm, at the Madhouse Comedy Club, located conveniently in the remnants of Horton Plaza in Downtown. There is a minimal cover of five measly dollars. I will be pitted against 9 of my comedy peers in a fierce battle to the dearth, and four of us will advance to Round 2: Electric Boogaloo. The audience will cast a vote, so if you got nothing better going on, c'mon down and cast your vote for me and/or whomever. Be on time, though, as you can't vote if you get there after my set because democracy does not work.

The very next evening, Tuesday, February 25th, I will be once again on the bill for Gordon Downs' Comedy Nite Stalker at the Til Two Club, in the scenic bad part of town. Not only will we not be competing for anything more than your love, there will also be free pizza, courtesy of the good folks at Pizzeria Luigi (although you might wanna get there early, as it goes quick. Personally, I will be there at 5:30 am). This is a way fun show, and between you and me, I fuckin' crushed it last time, so be sure to show up for what is sure to be a second-rate performance. But also expect first-rate performances from such hilarious men as Ryan Hicks, Tommy Applebee, and your headliner, Chris Curtis.

For my darlings in the North County, I will be performing in pastoral Poway, California, at the Company Pub & Kitchen. Good ol' Jonathan Bird will be your host, and the bill will also include my dear friend and roommate April Ventura and my dear friend and soulmate Jeffrey Berner
. It will put the 'pow' in Poway! (I hate myself.)

Back on downtown, I will be part of Dallas McLaughlin's show at the American Comedy Company on Wednesday, March 5th. If you've never been, the ACC is probably the best joint in town to go if you want jokes put in your heads. Getting on the guest list is just a click away, as well; merely go to the Facebook event page and leave a comment that you want in with as many plus-ones as you can handle. On top of that, there will be $5 beers and appetizers. It's like you're making money by going to this show. Dallas is one of the funniest dudes in town, and featuring will be L.A.'s Greg Santos, who I saw a few times up at RIOT - LA last month, and he murdered each time. Also on the bill are the very funny Larisa Hull, Matt Warburton, and the high-energy comedy stylings of Dan Harumi. DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW.

Coming up later in March, I'll also be appearing at @spacebar in La Mesa on Friday, March 14th, and then on Friday, March 21st, at Subterranean Movies & Music in Hillcrest. More deets on those as they get closer.

Okay, that's it. I love you.

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Meanwhile, Six Months Later...

Time flies when you're repeating boring old aphorisms.

The last six months have been fairly busy, my loves. And if I'm being completely honest, I suppose one of the reasons I haven't been a-bloggin' much lately is all the turmoil I discussed back in June led, oddly enough, to a much different routine. So what has your Uncle Jimmy been up to the last half-year? Well, let's run it down.

So I haven't been going tremendously hard at the fiction much, a somewhat disturbing trend over the last year. Well, I guess it's not disturbing so much as unexpected, but regardless, I've only had a couple li'l fiction things see the light recently. The first of such is a short story I wrote called "They Need Some Good Worries," which takes its title from a line of dialogue in The Friends of Eddie Coyle, and that's where the similarities end. It features Mal and Bronson, whom some of you might recognize as players in my small-time crook stable of fictional San Diegans. I'm a pretty big fan of this one, and am proud beyond words to have it appear in Needle magazine, an actual print publication. My name in print doesn't drive me in the way it once did, but it's still a sight to see, especially in such a magazine that features (in this self-same issue!) the talents of Dennis Tafoya, Kieran Shea, and Ed Kurtz. The stories by these writers alone make this issue one of the best of Needle yet, and naturally I am delighted to share page-space with these cats.

A good buddy of mine was asking me for book recommendations, something indie-published, as he likes to give support directly to the authors whenever possible. I says to him, I says, brother, did you come to the right place. Or should I have said "the write place"?! (No.) Well, not to be self-serving, but I shot him over to Johnny Shaw's two-fisted site, Blood and Tacos. Yes, my ARVN love-letter to all the boys down on the Da Nang, "Never Say Goodnight in Saigon," which originally ran on the site, is now also included in the print version, Blood and Tacos: The Beginning, available here! Get some.

I've just recently edited the last few stories for the next issue of Crime Factory (which are tremendous stories, by the way, especially "Aloha BBQ" by Matt Asprey, I can't wait for you guys to read it), and it just now occurs to me that I have barely (if ever?) mentioned CF's latest publication wing. Yes, Cameron and the boys down under have taken it upon themselves to delve into some actual publishing, though for the life of me, I dunno why, and I'm sure they'd be hard-pressed to explain it to you at this point. Suffice it to say, we down at the Factory wanna get more crime-fiction goodness into your grubby mitts, and this is the way to go. A project near and dear to our hearts is the anthology, Lee, in which each and every story features my favorite actor of all time, Lee Marvin. The book is chronological, following Lee Marvin's career from his war days through his drinking days to his dying days in my contribution, the knee-slappin' whiz-banger, "Lee Marvin Is Dead." We also have lovely novellas such as Jed Ayres' Fierce Bitches and our latest, Jake Hinkson's Saint Homicide. If you want blood, we got it.

The non-fiction department down at Callaway Acres has been working at a pretty full tilt. I reviewed the great comic book Blacksad for The Artificial Selection Project, and I had yet another article published over at Splitsider about what every former writer for The Kids in the Hall is up to now, aptly titled, "What's Every Former 'Kids in the Hall' Writer Up To Now?" But the biggest deal is that I recently came on staff at Serial Optimist, a site I have been enamored with since they ran a piece on Ilana Glazer last year. Believe you me, no one is as aware as I of the irony that I'd be writing for site that is serially optimistic, yet here I am. Already, I've had some tremendous opportunities to write about the stuff I love, like comics and music, and especially comedy jokes. So please swing on by and check it out, it's definitely my favorite site I've ever written for, and that is no small feat.

Speaking of comedy jokes, I finally started going up. Yes, no longer satisfied with just being some wise-ass, I am now going up on stage and saying jokes into a microphone. It's only been a few months here, but already I've been doing well, especially for such a rank amateur, and just as importantly, if not more so, I've met a lot of great friends and collaborators. One of my favorites is young Jeffrey Berner, who is the funniest person in this city, which is not a title easily earned nor given. He and I have begun a podcast, as is required by law of comedians in San Diego, and it's called If I'm Louder, I'm Right, wherein Jeffrey and I debate the real issues, and by the real issues, I of course mean the fake issues. We began with Ryan Hicks as our moderator, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we've had to replace our moderator each episode. But we're sure our current one will stick it out for the long haul. I hope you guys will listen and enjoy, as it is probably the funnest and funniest thing I'm doing right now and it seems like that shall remain so for some time to come. Each episode is only a half-hour, so you can knock one off while you take your lunch break alone in your car, or you can binge the fuck out on the episodes we have up already. Either way, if you don't like it, you're wrong.

The Stalins of Sound have been plugging right along as well. We recently came to a deal with Slovenly Records, home to such heavies as The Spits, to release our first full-length record. The album Tank Tracks shall be available to you, the discerning record-buying public, this coming March, and then there shall be much touring of the land, here and abroad. Stay tuned to this channel for more updates.

And I think that will do it, kittens. Have a good'un.

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